McDonalds Robot, Mo Money Mo Problems, and 20 Marvelous Status Updates

One more day till Friday, meanwhile share these…

20 Marvelous Status Updates:

  1. Some souls are consumed with what grows in the garden of others and then wonder, why their own does not flourish.
  2. Humans are the only creature in this world, who cut the trees, made paper from it and then wrote, “SAVE TREES” on it.
  3. Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
  4. The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
  5. Look, all we have to do is put little pieces of paper with mystical-sounding gibberish on them inside these cookies — we’ll make a fortune!
  6. When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.
  7. Bronchitis is my least favorite dinosaur.
  8. Some people have food in their teeth because no one likes them enough to mention it. This serves as an early warning system for assholes.
  9. I think the real question by now is: What is a Klondike Bar going to do for me?
  10. Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
  11. I just responded to a text message someone sent me a year ago with, “yeah, sounds good. Let’s do that.”
  12. When you have a good imagination, you can make up all the facts you want.
  13. Did you know that Saudi Arabia imports Camels from Australia?
  14. My favorite thing about the term “brah” is when people don’t use it.
  15. Dinner is no fun anymore since I stopped pretending I’m on TV when I’m cooking.
  16. Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
  17. A friend told me he could see the future. So I punched him in the face. “Guess you’re not very good at it.”
  18. I think Oprah should marry Deepak Choprah and take his last name.
  19. If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?
  20. You Canadians spell humor as “humour.” American humor is better. We can do it without u.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

McDonalds Drive-Thru Employee Sounds Like a Robot:

Ooooo, he good! Share if you were impressed 🙂

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