One more day till Friday, meanwhile share these…
20 Marvelous Status Updates:
- Some souls are consumed with what grows in the garden of others and then wonder, why their own does not flourish.
- Humans are the only creature in this world, who cut the trees, made paper from it and then wrote, “SAVE TREES” on it.
- Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
- The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
- Look, all we have to do is put little pieces of paper with mystical-sounding gibberish on them inside these cookies — we’ll make a fortune!
- When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.
- Bronchitis is my least favorite dinosaur.
- Some people have food in their teeth because no one likes them enough to mention it. This serves as an early warning system for assholes.
- I think the real question by now is: What is a Klondike Bar going to do for me?
- Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
- I just responded to a text message someone sent me a year ago with, “yeah, sounds good. Let’s do that.”
- When you have a good imagination, you can make up all the facts you want.
- Did you know that Saudi Arabia imports Camels from Australia?
- My favorite thing about the term “brah” is when people don’t use it.
- Dinner is no fun anymore since I stopped pretending I’m on TV when I’m cooking.
- Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
- A friend told me he could see the future. So I punched him in the face. “Guess you’re not very good at it.”
- I think Oprah should marry Deepak Choprah and take his last name.
- If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?
- You Canadians spell humor as “humour.” American humor is better. We can do it without u.
McDonalds Drive-Thru Employee Sounds Like a Robot:Ooooo, he good! Share if you were impressed 🙂
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