LOL Dog, How to Deactivate a Cat, and 14 Funny Statuses

1. It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father. (From our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
2. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
3. Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
4. I recommend you chickens learn to talk. Nobody ever said let’s go get a bucket of parrot.
5. Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.
6. If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
7. Whenever one office door closes, 50 browser windows open. (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page , 100+ LIKES in 20 minutes)
8. Tall girl & Short guy = Awkward. Tall girl & Tall guy = Cute. Short girl & Tall guy = Adorable. Short girl & Short guy = AWW.
9. Pretending to care about what the birthday card says, but you really just want the money.
10. My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
11. My printer just woke from sleep mode with a huge toner.
12. The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
13. If I was rich, I’d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner. (From our Twitter:@FreeFunnyStuff)
14. Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

Thousands More Funny Status Updates…

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