Kitty Reflexes, Summertime, and Silly Status Updates

Editorial Team

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AT least one of these will make you laugh, guaranteed…

20 Silly Facebook Status Updates:

Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
SCIENCE FACT if you close your eyes you won’t be able to see
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
My cat just graduated from the University of Phoenix.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Canada is located right next to the country with all the guns and bombs. Of course Canadians are polite.
I copied my Match.com bio from a used car website. White – Good condition – Reliable – Cheap – No evidence of rear end damage. Must See.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can’t buy.
“Pay attention to me, but not too much. Ignore me, but make me feel wanted. Let me know you want me, but don’t be clingy.”-women
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
IT’S A 4-WAY STOP, PEOPLE, NOT A GODDAM RUBIK’S CUBE!!
I pledged allegiance “to the Republic for Witches Stand” until the 4th grade.
I’m so jealous! Your swag is gonna look amazing on that McDonald’s application.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
I had a girlfriend that left me because I’m so arrogant. I told her to close the door on her way back in.
When you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
Hostage or not, sometimes it’s just nice to be held.