Score more likes, share these…
Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:
- I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
- People who make really bad decisions are always like “I have the worst luck”
- Still haven’t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket…scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
- If you ever feel like you’re having a bad day, just remember some adults have braces.
- If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over….you can make them here, because I want some too.
- Because of my ex, I’m going to have a tough time ever trusting another woman – me, to the girl at Wendy’s, as I double-check my takeout bag.
- I wonder if people who decide to try crack saw a crackhead and thought, yeah that.
- Here is why we have a obesity problem in america: Because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
- I can’t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that’s a relief.
- How to win an argument: 1. Have boobs. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
- Not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
- Beware of TV. It has the power to turn things like storage, parking and cupcakes into wars.
- It takes 21 days to form a habit? I’ve been going to school for 2,500 days and I still give up every morning.
- Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make sure they’re enjoying it…
- I’ve always wanted to get into a cab and yell, ‘Follow that car!!!’
- Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
- I’m opening a healthy alternative all egg-white omelet breakfast joint. I really think my “Whites Only!” restaurant idea will be a hit!
- I never use the little twist ties to close a bag of bread…I just spin the bag and tuck it under the loaf of bread.
- Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
- Don’t try calling me back after you miss my call. I make 3 calls a year. You blew it.
Handicap Dog Makes Do…
You’ve gotta work with what you’ve got! Get well soon, little guy 🙂