Homeless Man Gets $100, Room Confusion, and Hilarious Facebook Status Posts

Make someone smile going into the new year, share one of these…

Hilarious Facebook Status Posts:

  1. I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
  2. Woke up this morning and immediately started dying. #Tuesday
  3. I only want 2 kids and I’m done. 3 max if the 2nd one doesn’t get enough likes on Instagram.
  4. Just because your trashy doesn’t mean that you can’t do great things. Remember its called a garbage CAN and not a garbage can’t.
  5. This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson’s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
  6. That awkward moment when you hate the police, but call for their help.
  7. How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
  8. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Hatch. Hatch who? God bless you.
  9. My mom just learned how to text. And her text to me said “can you hear me?”
  10. You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
  11. Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
  12. I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
  13. I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn’t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
  14. 2007: A phone that can replace your watch!
    2015: Eff you. Back to watches again.
  15. Her: I just feel like I’m not being heard.
    Me: Definitely. Sounds good babe.
    Her: Are you even listening to me?
    Me: Thats crazy!
  16. I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
  17. Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
  18. Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles “how to read a book.”
  19. Is “drunk hobo” redundant? Are there sober hobos? Are they called “sobos”? Is this ambien ever going to kick in?
  20. My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Homeless Man Gets $100, You Won’t Believe What He Does Next:

Touching! Please like or share if you that touched your heart like it did mine.

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