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Silly Facebook Status Updates
- Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
- Walk up in the club like “what’s the wifi password here?”
- Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things of high shelves.
- It’s amazing how quickly we forget the lessons of school. Employee morale would be much higher if we still had recess and naps.
- There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”…
- Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
- “Let’s save this so we can throw it away in few days” – Tupperware
- (B)uilt (O)n (S)elf (S)uccess.
- With all of this technology, you would think we would have exercise equipment that simulated scenes from Jurassic Park to actually motivate my ass to run.
- I’m a leader. Not a follower. Unless it’s a dark place, then screw it you’re going first.
- I hate how Instagram forces you to crop your photos.
- If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.
- When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
- Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.
- Having sex is like vacuuming; Hopefully it’s loud, involves lots of sucking, and it’s best if you do it often in every room of the house.
- Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on. The more it hurts.
- I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
- None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It’s because fish can’t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
- There is no way Siri could be a woman, she only speaks when she’s spoken to.
- I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Baby Clydesdale is absolutely miniature and certified ADORABLE…
Hey there lil’ guy! Can we be friends? Can’t wait to see the miniature Budweiser cart this guy will be pulling 🙂
Wow, that man-squirrel really can move. If you enjoyed this video, please share.