Darth Vader’s Road Rage

darth vader i find your lack of turn signal disturbing

Very disturbing.

20 Funny Statuses:

  1. My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
  2. I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
  3. I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
  4. Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
  5. Being a fat guy at McDonald’s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
  6. I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
  7. You’re pretty cocky for someone with such a small … vocabulary.
  8. Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, “I like where I wake up to always be a surprise.”
  9. This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
  10. I’m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
  11.  Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
  12. I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t’s totally different.
  13. Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
  14. Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
  15. No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
  16. I’m not lazy, I’m in energy saving mode.
  17. The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
  18. I’m absolutely positive I’d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
  19. Life is too short to match socks.
  20. I hope your day is as nice as your butt.

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