Darth Vader’s Road Rage
20 Funny Statuses:
- My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
- I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
- I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
- Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
- Being a fat guy at McDonald’s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
- I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
- You’re pretty cocky for someone with such a small … vocabulary.
- Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, “I like where I wake up to always be a surprise.”
- This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
- I’m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
- Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
- I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t’s totally different.
- Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
- Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
- No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
- I’m not lazy, I’m in energy saving mode.
- The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
- I’m absolutely positive I’d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
- Life is too short to match socks.
- I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
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Sneeze Your Head Off
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