One of these will make you laugh, guaranteed…
20 Witty Facebook Status Updates:
- Do you ever hang out with someone, but later realize that it’s not what you wanted to do and then you’re trapped for a few hours?
- Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
- I’ve been watching a bird do a mating dance for half an hour now, it’s working, I want him.
- My theory is that conductors are secretly casting spells on the orchestra. They are the closest thing we have to witches.
- “Hi, can I have a chicken salad with avocado?” “Avocado costs $1 extra, do you still want it?” “Hold on, let me call my financial adviser.”
- I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn’t my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.
- The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
- I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
- The only people I respect in life are people at sporting events who don’t give a shit they’re on the Jumbotron.
- I have the talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
- I get insanely uncomfortable when people have their own selfies as their phone wallpaper.
- “Please don’t pick up please don’t pick up please don’t pick up….(voicemail) YES!”
- If someone says “This place is crackalackin!”, does that mean it’s lacking white people?
- Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
- Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
- How inconsiderate of that cop to pull me over. It should have been pretty obvious that I was in a hurry.
- When old ladies talk about how they weren’t allowed to work or go to school when they were young I’m just like omg stop bragging.
- This song is so good. I love it. I’m going to listen to it 500 times in a row until I hate this stupid, awful song.
- That awkward moment when someone thinks you’re anti-social, when you’re not. You just hate them.
- Sometimes you have to take a deep breath & remind yourself that you wouldn’t look good in prison clothes & smile at the asshole & walk away.
The Power of Milk:
Milk, it does a body good 🙂