Cat vs. Lizard, Optical Illusion, and Top Status Posts

Make your weekend last longer, share these…

Top 20 Status Posts:

  1. That awkward moment when you have crunchy food in a room full of silent people.
  2. Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
  3. A good criterion for measuring success is the number of people you have made happy.
  4. Reminder: Buy low and sell high. Unless it’s Pot. Then you’re buying and selling high.
  5. Relax. If you didn’t want me knocking it over, why the hell did you write “tip jar” on it? Just for that, I’m taking my 15 cents back.
  6. I’d love to be a lifeguard at the gene pool. I’d let a few of them drown.
  7. Work like you don’t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at.
  8. My son is a potty mouth. By son I mean dog and by potty mouth I mean he drinks from the toilet.
  9. Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
  10. Text Flirting Tip: Don’t reply immediately. Play it cool, wait for a minute, then eventually forget to reply and ruin everything.
  11. There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
  12. Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies is the main reason I have trust issues.
  13. I have a girlfriend…oh wait, no…that’s a fridge.
  14. Oh. Awesome. A gift card. It’s like money, but I can only spend it where you thought I’d like to.
  15. So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
  16. When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
  17. So women like men who work out, eh? Then there’s only one logical thing for me to do: kill all men who work out.
  18. The cops came to my house this morning claiming that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I told those idiots my dog doesn’t have a bike.
  19. I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
  20. I don’t like irony. Or foldy. Or thinky. Or worky. I like eaty. Eaty is good.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | We found The New Flappy Bird – Splashy Fish on Android

EPIC Cat Vs. Lizard Video:

LOL I re-watched that a dozen times 🙂 Share if you enjoyed it as much as I did!

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