Captain Planet, Pop Tart Bandit, and Silly Status Posts

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Top 20 Silly Status Posts:

  1. We all have a shirt that we like wearing too much.
  2. Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
  3. Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.
  4. Today’s revelation..if you say “beer can” with a British accent, you’re also saying “bacon” with a Jamaican accent.
  5. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands for example if she is holding a gun she’s probably angry.
  6. If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
  7. Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their’s that they don’t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
  8. 99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
  9. Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
  10. PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
  11. If I had a time machine I’d set it to “back in the day”, just to see what everyone is talking about.
  12. Don’t let school get in the way of your education.
  13. This kid poured milk on the cat. When I asked why she said “He’s thirsty and likes to lick himself.” I couldn’t argue with that.
  14. In my head, I’m the mean judge on a show called So You Think Your Story is Interesting.
  15. The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, “That’s how I want you to do it.”
  16. Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation.
  17. Merlot sounds like an alcoholic wizards name.
  18. I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, “Hey, that’s my shit!”?
  19. Go to the train station and make eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it it while yelling “I LOVE YOU!”
  20. The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | *NEW* Splashy Fish 2 on Android (just like Flappy Bird!)

Pop Tart Bandit Stopped Cold:

Dawwwww poor little girl 🙂 That will teach her to share those delicious morsels.

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