Best Gift Reaction, Smart Dog, and Hilarious Status Updates

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Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Was visited by 3 spirits last night. Vodka, rum and gin.
  2. “That’s nice dear.” -Grandmas version of “cool story bro.”
  3. I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!
  4. To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
  5. Some people are about as useful as the first “r” in February.
  6. That feeling when you’re dying to text that person.
  7. A bra is, a booby trap.
  8. Hoodies really go well with your depression.
  9. I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
  10. The greatest Oak was once a little nut who held its ground.
  11. I’m starting to think I’ll never be old enough to know better.
  12. Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
  13. I invented four new karate moves while trying to get an automatic paper towel dispenser to work.
  14. Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
  15. You should be able to see who you would be sitting next to while you’re booking your flight. LIKE if you agree.
  16. I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them..
  17. Pajama Jeans: So comfortable you could sleep in them. So ugly that you’ll do it alone.
  18. Ghetto word of the day: Cologne – “Ay, you think you cologne me a dollar?”
  19. I’ve taken my christmas lights down various ways, and by far the most efficient is to tie one end to your bumper and drive around the block.
  20. Kids toys should come with better warning labels, like, “LOUD AS HELL” and “NO OFF SWITCH” and “REQUIRES 217 BATTERIES.”
  21. Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Holiday Themed Timeline Covers

Smart Dog, looks the part…

Smart Dog

He’s just a working class pup.

Best Gift Reaction, Ever?

That was so touching. Seems like a genuinely awesome dad, I’m sure he deserves that awesome gift. Share this touching video before it goes viral.

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