20 Funny Statuses for the Weekend

The world famous weekend wrap -up is here and we’ve got something for everyone.  Share our statuses with some good friends and you’ll get some guaranteed laughs!

Status Updates for the Weekend:

  1. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. (Courtesy of our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone/iPod App)
  2. The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.
  3. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
  4. Dear guy who invented taking pictures of yourself in a mirror with a cell phone: Do you see what you’ve done? I hope you’re happy.
  5. In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
  6. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% probability you will get it wrong.
  7. Why do people lie and cheat? Because they know its easier to get foregiveness than permission.
  8. I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days
  9. What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient.
  10. A woman knows she’s wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off.
  11. I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  12. Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
  13. My wife and I had words but I never got to use mine.
  14. This next song is called subtraction. Take it away!
  15. I need an app on my phone to connect to the morons Bluetooth driving next to me so I can fart in his ear.
  16. If time is money, I’m running out of time.
  17. I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won’t talk to me for the rest of the week.
  18. Don’t do drugs kids. There is a time and place for everything. It’s called college. – South Park (VIA our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff )
  19. I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils.
  20. New Life goal, make it to the bottom of my chapstick before  I lose it.

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Funny Picture to Post:

Epic Hat!

I want one of those!!! The Hat, not the baby 😉

Awesome Video to Post:


Bonus Funny Video: Don’t do Crack this weekend.

Have a safe weekend and please join us Monday for more hilarious content. If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus.