Pick something that fits and go with it…
Fascinating Status Updates:
- I’m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
- The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!
- Benefits of dating me: You’ll be dating me. I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point.
- It’s not hard to find someone who will tell you they love you, but it’s hard to find someone who means it.
- When you talk you repeat what you already know; but if you listen you often learn something new.
- According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
- People will stop asking you questions if you answer back in interpretive dance.
- You make every other name that comes up on my phone a disappointment.
- 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with my dad, and left with my mom.
- I’ve never met a group of people more worried about their “privacy” than the people on Facebook that share EVERYTHING about themselves.
- 7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
- It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
- I’ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn’t just put the dots in shape of the actual letters.
- Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second, but instead I am going to run over 100 times with the vacuum at different angles.
- Girls treat guys like monkey bars. They don’t let go of the last one until they got a grip on the next one.
- Just punched my ATM pin into my microwave so there’s that.
- Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.
- I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
- You can tell all you need to know about a person by whether they bring the banana to their mouth or mouth to the banana.
- A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
That look when your mom calls you down for dinner but, dinner isn’t ready yet…
You know you know that look -_-
Zombie Prank NYC:
I would have shat myself. Kudos to those brave and playful people.