Whale Shark Attack, Shoelaces, and Inappropriate Status Updates

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20 Inappropriate Facebook Statuses:

  1. People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
  2. My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
  3. People need to quit hating on women that breastfeed in public. I’m allowed to raise my cat however I want.
  4. Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
  5. I better get some sleep. These spiders aren’t going to eat themselves.
  6. Million dollar idea: Pay-per-view knife fight between Wendy’s commercial girl and Flo from Progressive.
  7. When I try to skip the previews on a Bluray, and it’s like “That is not an option.” I whisper “You’re a machine. You’ll never know love.”
  8. I’m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
  9. I love the “I’ve missed you so much” hug.
  10. Long story short, I love summaries.
  11. Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.
  12. The five second rule also applies to wearing sunglasses indoors.
  13. What if air is just a poisonous gas that takes about 80 years to kill us?
  14. One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
  15. “Jesus loves you.” A nice gesture in church. A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
  16. Thanks to Facebook I feel like we probably need a new word for ‘friend.’
  17. I’m a problem that you’d be glad to have.
  18. It used to bother me that I didn’t fit in. Now I smile at all those miserable people who do.
  19. Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
  20. It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Whale Shark Gets Diver…

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R68PQy99eck[/youtube]

Ahhhh Ahhhhhhhh! Luckily he seems to be OK 😛

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