Whale Shark Attack, Shoelaces, and Inappropriate Status Updates

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20 Inappropriate Facebook Statuses:

  1. People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
  2. My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
  3. People need to quit hating on women that breastfeed in public. I’m allowed to raise my cat however I want.
  4. Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
  5. I better get some sleep. These spiders aren’t going to eat themselves.
  6. Million dollar idea: Pay-per-view knife fight between Wendy’s commercial girl and Flo from Progressive.
  7. When I try to skip the previews on a Bluray, and it’s like “That is not an option.” I whisper “You’re a machine. You’ll never know love.”
  8. I’m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
  9. I love the “I’ve missed you so much” hug.
  10. Long story short, I love summaries.
  11. Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.
  12. The five second rule also applies to wearing sunglasses indoors.
  13. What if air is just a poisonous gas that takes about 80 years to kill us?
  14. One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
  15. “Jesus loves you.” A nice gesture in church. A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
  16. Thanks to Facebook I feel like we probably need a new word for ‘friend.’
  17. I’m a problem that you’d be glad to have.
  18. It used to bother me that I didn’t fit in. Now I smile at all those miserable people who do.
  19. Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
  20. It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Whale Shark Gets Diver…


Ahhhh Ahhhhhhhh! Luckily he seems to be OK 😛

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