Cat Digs Out of Snow, Printers, & Top 20 Weekend Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Make your weekend last longer, share one of these..

Top 20 Weekend Status Updates:

There’s not enough coffee in the world.
You know an Asian restaurant is good by how horrible the parking is outside.
Having a pet is weird if you think about it. You don’t speak the same language, you create a strong bond by rubbing against each other and sleeping together, and you might accidentally step on their tail once in a while but at the end of the day, you’re best friends from entirely different species.
I play hard to get along with.
What a day!!!!!!!!
Nothing happened and I was tired.
Why would I dance like nobody’s watching? People need to see this.
Thank goodness thought bubbles aren’t real.
At Dairy Queen:
Me: Medium Oreo Blizzard please.
DQ: You wanna spoon?
Me: Sure, when do you get off?
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
I would watch the shit out of a TV show where some short tempered person tried to put together IKEA furniture.
Turtle: I’m the slowest.
Snail: No, me.
Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
People who said “Even Harper Lee will release a sequel before George R. R. Martin” were actually right.
Current caffeine level: scared Chihuahua
Kanye West should re-release his entire discography and title it ‘Kanye’s Greatest Hits’
There should be “reverse restaurants” where you bring whatever ingredients you want for a meal for an expert chef to make the best dishes they can think of with them.
Sean Connery should probably never do a City Bank commercial.
Since dogs live shorter lives than humans, maybe their sense of time is different and that’s why they are so excited to see you whenever you come back.
In job interviews, you should always answer the “greatest weakness” question with “job interviews,” because then, no matter how good or bad you do in the interview, they will think you are better at everything else.
I only want to have money so that I don’t have to worry about money.