Wednesday’s Top 20 Status Updates and A Cute Cat Begging.

Get over hump day, share one of these..

Wednesday’s Top 20 Status Updates:

  1. Fear the man wearing velcro strapped sandals, for he has nothing left to lose.
  2. It’s amazing how 3 minutes with the wrong person feels like an eternity, yet 3 hours with the right one, feels like only a moment.
  3. How easily you’re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
  4. You had me at 0 mutual friends.
  5. If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
  6. My mom just learned how to text. And her text to me said “can you hear me?”
  7. Relationship status:
    Sleeping in my bed diagonally.
  8. If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
  9. In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
  10. Creepy: People who request middle seats on airplanes.
  11. You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
  12. No matter how smart you think you are, there’s always gonna be a little British kid who sounds way smarter than you when they speak.
  13. People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
  14. My therapist thinks I have a God complex. How dare he say that unto me.
  15. Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
  16. Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make shit happen.
  17. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
  18. You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
  19. At a wedding where the minister told everyone to stand next to the person who makes life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled.
  20. A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.

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Cute Cat Begging..

I would give him whatever he wants. Just look at him!

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