Help a friend smile, share one of these…
20 Awesome Facebook Status Updates:
- You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
- I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
- Wine. Pairs well with turkey and difficult relatives.
- Exercise? Oh, I thought you said extra fries!
- Wine-drunk is the only acceptable weeknight drunk.
- The snuggle is real.
- *No life November*
*Don’t go out December*
*Just stay in January*
- The older I get, the more understandable Britney’s meltdown seems to me.
- Date someone who spoils you, always says how beautiful you are, and never thinks you’ve had enough to eat…
Date your grandma
- If I send a birthday text, don’t expect a birthday Facebook post, too, you greedy birthday brat.
- I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
- I bought a rug from IKEA that ended up being just a needle and 50 lbs. of thread.
- *interacts with people*
*has to take a four hour nap*
- I can definitely imagine you as a tiny helpless baby. Mainly because you do such a good job of being a large helpless man.
- They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
- My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
- People who weigh their produce. What’s it like to have all the time in the world?
- If kindness really kills, you’ll always be completely safe around me.
- Holy shit Karma, how much longer till we’re all squared up?
- If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Roommate gets caught dancing (Hilarious!)
His reaction at the end is classic! That’s how you know it’s real.