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Uplifting & Hilarious Status Posts:
- FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
- That was actually pretty funny. But, I don’t like you. Therefore, I will not laugh.
- Bacon is like a high-five for your mouth.
- When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave life wondering how you did it.
- I’m not good at math, but I’m good at calculating how much discount I can get when I go shopping.
- Figuring yourself out is a lifelong project.
- No thanks, I’m allergic to selfish.
- I rub shampoo in my eyes every morning to prepare for the pain of the day.
- French toast is just regular toast that smokes cigarettes and has a tiny mustache.
- When life knocks me down, instead of getting back up, I usually just lie there and take a nap.
- Don’t be a dick. Just be nice. It’s that easy.
- When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
- The older you get, the more likely you are to have a tissue or a bandaid when somebody needs one.
- I hate waiting for someone to illegally upload so I can illegally download.
- Off to hit the treadmill. If it doesn’t break or hit me back, I may even walk or run on it.
- I hate when I look in the mirror and see an adult.
- The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
- It’s recycling day and based on the bin I just put out, there’s a fraternity that I don’t know about living somewhere in my house.
- There’s nothing worse than accidentally stepping in water with your socks on.
- We have all experienced the pain of watching a slow typer.
Puppy is not Impressed…
Puppy would also appreciate a push, if you wouldn’t mind.
That’s hypnotically awful.