Facebook Status Updates

Juice Monkey, Random Kindness, & 20 Unforgettable Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Make it over hump day, share one of these..

20 Unforgettable Facebook Status Updates:

Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
I need something that’s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
Don’t be afraid to dream. Reality’s not going anywhere.
If she’s honest, laid back, has a dirty mind and an even dirtier vocabulary, eats pizza, and lets you touch her butt. Marry her, yesterday.
I dress up my cats because playing with baby dolls is just weird at my age.
[job interview] “Says here you have some anger issues?” *leans in close* I DON’T GIVE A F*CK WHAT THAT SAYS.
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn’t think she knew about.
We’re all Internet Explorers.
I’m sorry you are too busy to type the ‘o’ in ‘ok’ my liege.
Driving is really just a real life loading screen with a mini-game.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
That awkward moment when you get out of the shower and then realize you have no towel.
Carefully written, fact checked essay in the streets, unmoderated comments section in the sheets.
I’m looking for the kind of guy who can help me survive the apocalypse but who may have also caused it.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant.
All my life I thought TLC was singing about a guy named Jason Waterfalls.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.