Turkey Slurpee, Morning Texts, and Holiday Humor Status Updates 2014

Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…

Holiday Status Updates 2014:

  1. I really hope 2015 is a better year.
  2. Meanwhile everyone in North Korea is like “what is a movie”
  3. You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer but you can’t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
  4. Just realized in 6 years it’s going to be the 20s again so I propose we bring back swing music and jazz attire please that would be great… thanks!
  5. It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
  6. Listening to an album for the first time is weird because you have to give ur full attention to it and you can’t sing along.
  7. Be soft, kind and loving. But also take nobody’s shit.
  8. I have a Pinterest board and therefore should not have to tell people what I want for Christmas.
  9. How much whiskey goes into cookies? I’m new to this whole baking thing.
  10. Some days you’re the Titanic, some days you’re the iceberg, and some days you’re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
  11. Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
  12. I like coffee that kicks you in the face in the morning.
  13. Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
  14. I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
  15. I can’t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
  16. F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
  17. Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
  18. Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
  19. Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
  20. May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Girl Eats a Piece of Turkey in 1-second Flat:

What did I just watch and why did I watch it 20 more times? That was insane. Like or share if you agree.

Have a great weekend! Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our Free iPhone App. See you on Monday 🙂