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13 Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:
- ATTENTION: upon further consideration I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
- Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
- When I have a crush on someone I play it cool. Like really cool. Like I do nothing to show I’m attracted to them. This never works.
- That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
- Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
- When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You’re both now.
- My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn’t pull her weight financially and she’s scared of the vacuum.
- Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in.
- All I want is to settle down with an extremely wealthy dog.
- You can’t make me believe there’s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
- I love how Prince Charming is so dumb he doesn’t recognize Cinderella without her shoe.
- My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
- Somewhere in America, the 2040 President of the United States just took a selfie.
Kid Faces Tough Decisions…
It’s rough being 5 isn’t it?