Gym of the Future, Driving, and Top 20 Weekend Statuses

Editorial Team

504

Make your weekend last longer, share one of these..

Top 20 Weekend Statuses:

Sorry, I’ve got my Netflix pants on so I’m in for the night.
How do people just send “k” when they’re pissed off?? Lmao, if I’m mad at you I’ll send you a 5-7 page essay in MLA format with proper citation.
Sometimes, I question my sanity. Sometimes, it replies.
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
That awkward moment when you realize winter is only half way over.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.
The only F word out a woman’s mouth that scares me is “fine.”
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
I would unblock you but then I’d be admitting I’d made a mistake and that’s just not my thing.
I bet if dogs could talk, the first words out of their mouth would be “you gonna eat that?”
On the internet, you have a better chance of surviving The Oregon Trail than a trip to WebMD!
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice instead.
I treat people exactly how I want to be treated. I leave them the f*ck alone.
STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN’S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
Ever update an app and realize the “fixed issues” were all a lie and it will never be the same? That’s what going back to an ex is like.
The day I see a runner smiling is the day I’ll consider it.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.