That Feeling, Full House Reunion, and Killer Statuses

Need something funny to say? We got your back…

Killer Facebook Statuses:

  1. I just saved a bunch of money on valentines day by switching to single.
  2. A lot of people don’t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
  3. I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button & I’m still at school.
  4. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
  5. It must be hard for Kanye to drive with all his rear view mirrors pointed at him.
  6. Log in to Australian Instagram to see the bottom half of your sunset photos.
  7. I oppose deporting Justin Bieber for his crimes. This is America, after all. We have the death penalty.
  8. “I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
  9. I’m counting the past 2 hours lying on the couch not going to the gym as resistance training.
  10. A completely unattractive man is hitting on me at the bar. I’d drink until he’s cute but the bar closes in 9 hours.
  11. If you’re 17 and your 200 year old lover won’t turn you into a vampire so you can be together forever, he’s just not that into you.
  12. The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
  13. How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
  14. When I ask someone what their name is, why do I never actually listen to their answer?
  15. Lingerie is just expensive wrapping paper.
  16. I’ve lost most of my hearing, but it’s okay because it turns out the only thing people say to me is “nothing, nevermind.”
  17. I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
  18. “Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
  19. Ugly is such an ugly word. If you must describe me I’d prefer if you used the term “handsomely-challenged”
  20. Nobody gets treated worse than a fast food worker who gets an order wrong.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Full House Reunion on Jimmy Fallon…

Loved that show! Share if you did too 🙂

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