Technology Nope, Slammer, and Damn Funny Status Posts

Updated Daily, just for you…

20 Damn Funny Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
  2. Don’t trade what you want most for what you want now.
  3. I’m beginning to realize that some people must actually enjoy being miserable.
  4. I hate it when my boss calls my name and I automatically think “What the hell did I do now?”
  5. Unspoken Rule #54. Let everyone get off the elevator before you start trying to get on. I am tired of almost running into you. Same goes for busses!
  6. Let your smile change the world, but don’t let the world change your smile.
  7. Lesson #1. Only trust people who like big butts… They cannot lie. #TRUTH
  8. I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
  9. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
  10. My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
  11. Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.
  12. My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
  13. I am waiting for the day that Walmart decides to put a bar in their stores. That’ll take people watching to the next level.
  14. We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
  15. Hey, remember that person you thought you couldn’t live without? Well, look at you, living and shit.
  16. I may be asking too much of this coffee.
  17. Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
  18. Don’t confuse having less with being less, having more with being more, or what you have with who you are.
  19. The person trying hardest to get into my pants is me. Damn Easter candy.
  20. Nothing can destroy your self-esteem quicker than when someone points out someone they think looks like you.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

KittEhhhh is Stuck in the Slammer:

KittEhhh is stuck in the slammer.

Doing hard time is rough these days.

Duck Dynasty says NOPE to Technology:

We can all scale back just a tad on our technology use 🙂 And I think we’ll be just fine! This video, however, is a classic.

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