Score more likes, share these…
20 Awesome Facebook Status Posts:
- You only have one childhood, it may as well last your entire life.
- Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for five hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
- Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
- It takes me 10 seconds to write my text and 3 minutes to pick an emoji that I think goes with it.
- You know you’re a bad driver when Siri tells you “after 400 feet stop and let me out”
- I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
- To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.
- When I was a kid… no wait, I still do that.
- Looking for a relationship? Someone sexy, funny, loving and caring? Contact me, we can both talk about how we want this person.
- Fact: If you write “I have awful people skills and I’m a horrible person” on a job application you immediately get hired at the DMV
- Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
- I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said ‘yes’ with a big smile. The look on her face quickly changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
- I’d like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years.
- People that don’t lay in bed for 3 hours worrying about random, irrelevant shit every night. What’s that like?
- I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
- Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
- Yes. Is time travel possible?
- Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
- Me: This chicken is undercooked. Wife: You don’t appreciate my cooking. Me: I think the vet could save it if it we took it right now.
- Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don’t even like.
Father Cat Teaches Kittens How to Fight…
Leave it to Daddy to play rough with the ‘youngins 🙂