Taylor Swift, Best Christmas Present Ever, & Super Funny Statuses

Make your weekend last longer, share these…

Super Funny Statuses:

  1. Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
  2. We’ve all got a crush we now regret.
  3. I mentally murder people I don’t like.
  4. Don’t judge a book by its cover. My math textbook has a picture of someone enjoying themselves on it. However, I did not enjoy myself at all.
  5. Person 1: I can draw really well
    Person 2: I’m really athletic
    Person 3: I’m hilarious and likable
    Person 4: I’m gorgeous
    Me: I can breathe
  6. Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless asshole?
  7. Relatives are like goalkeepers, they stop you from achieving your goals and if you score, they appreciate you while burning from inside.
  8. Dwayne Johnson, paper, scissors.
  9. If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
  10. I’m pleased to say that I just used some germ-X and got rid of 99.9% of germs on both my hands and probably got them back while typing this.
  11. Growing up, I dreamed of becoming a meteorologist. Now, I’ve got 3 weather apps on my phone. Living the dream people.
  12. Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
  13. I have never once had to use the quadratic equation in my entire adult life. High School Math Teachers: I told you so.
  14. I’ll pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
  15. I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
  16. I think X should start solving its own problems. Otherwise it can never hope to become an independent variable.
  17. Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
  18. I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
  19. I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
  20. All those pirates wear the patch and it hasn’t made them stop smoking.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Best Stocking Stuffer Under $25

Taylor Swift…

Best Christmas Present Ever… for a Dog 🙂 

ROFL! That is awesome. That dog looks like he is in heaven! Share if you enjoyed.

Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates! Also, don’t miss our annual Christmas status spectacular on Wednesday 😉