Make your weekend last longer, share these…
Super Funny Statuses:
- Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
- We’ve all got a crush we now regret.
- I mentally murder people I don’t like.
- Don’t judge a book by its cover. My math textbook has a picture of someone enjoying themselves on it. However, I did not enjoy myself at all.
- Person 1: I can draw really well
Person 2: I’m really athletic
Person 3: I’m hilarious and likable
Person 4: I’m gorgeous
Me: I can breathe
- Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless asshole?
- Relatives are like goalkeepers, they stop you from achieving your goals and if you score, they appreciate you while burning from inside.
- Dwayne Johnson, paper, scissors.
- If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
- I’m pleased to say that I just used some germ-X and got rid of 99.9% of germs on both my hands and probably got them back while typing this.
- Growing up, I dreamed of becoming a meteorologist. Now, I’ve got 3 weather apps on my phone. Living the dream people.
- Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
- I have never once had to use the quadratic equation in my entire adult life. High School Math Teachers: I told you so.
- I’ll pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
- I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
- I think X should start solving its own problems. Otherwise it can never hope to become an independent variable.
- Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
- I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
- I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
- All those pirates wear the patch and it hasn’t made them stop smoking.
Best Christmas Present Ever… for a Dog 🙂
ROFL! That is awesome. That dog looks like he is in heaven! Share if you enjoyed.
Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Please check back on Monday for more funny status updates! Also, don’t miss our annual Christmas status spectacular on Wednesday 😉