Make your weekend last longer, share one of these..
Top 20 Weekend Status Updates:
- The people who come running to hug you after you haven’t seen them in a while are my favorite type of people.
- I didn’t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
- It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
- I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
- Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
- It’s never too late to be what you want to be.
Unless you want to be younger. Then you’re screwed.
- Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
- Bruce Jenner could attach a boob to his forehead and I still wouldn’t care..
- I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
- I just want one of those jobs where I can be put on paid leave while a committee reviews my behavior.
- We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
- The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
- Whoever said, “All men are created equal”, obviously has never received any dick pics.
- Do you ever FEEL yourself being annoying but you CAN’T stop?
- Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy.
- Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
- me looking at thing: yooooo
me looking at price: nooooo
- If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people work out and absorb the benefits for myself.
- Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
- The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
Pillow Forts will always be awesome..
This guy needs a cooler girlfriend, that’s all.
Cat talking to its human..
What in the world is the meaning behind this?!?
Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and video, on our Fan Page. We’ll catch you on Monday.