Super Pumpkin, Hilarious Halloween Costume Ideas, & Witty Statuses

Step your status game up, share these…

20 Witty Status Updates:

  1. I love sleep so much, it’s the first thing I want to do when I wake up.
  2. I’ve got bad news:
    Today is not Friday,
    Tomorrow is not Friday,
    Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday. (Cry)
  3. People say circumcision doesn’t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year.
  4. No matter what life hands you, DON’T put it in a fanny pack.
  5. Changing my car horn to scream “GO MOFO”
  6. My first act as ruler of the universe would be changing the week to: Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday.
  7. Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
  8. There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
  9. At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
  10. If I haven’t said something vulgar to you then we probably aren’t good friends.
  11. That awkward moment when people are singing “Happy Birthday” to you and you don’t know where to look.
  12. “Check that shit out”luckily rarely refers to actual shit.
  13. “And they lived happily ever after” is just another way of saying “they are in denial.”
  14. I dread to think what the man who’s perfect for me is like.
  15. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs.
  16. The best stalkers stand behind their work.
  17. I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
  18. In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a shitty lock.”
  19. The faster I run out of things to say, the less I like you.
  20. Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Super Pumpkin…

amazing pumpkin

I mean, I’ve seen some good pumpkins this Halloween season but, this one is phenomenal!

Ellen Gives 5 Hilarious Halloween Costume Ideas…

That Daft Pumpkin kid stole the show! Remember folks – If you liked it, share it 🙂

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