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Witty Facebook Statuses:
- You can measure a person’s intelligence by the number of times they get back with their ex.
- I know I’m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
- If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
- Be good to yourself, you’re all you’ve got.
- Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of shit going on?
- A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
- Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
- We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
- Someone told me, Don’t fall in love, you might get hurt. I told them, Don’t live, you might die.
- “Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
- Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.
- The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
- If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand
- If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
- How to take selfies: Step 1: Take 40 pictures. Step 2: Post the least bad one.
- Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
- Hey, we never talked in high school! Let’s be Facebook friends so we can once again never talk! JUST LIKE OLD TIMES!
- My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
- I used to forget time with you. Now, I’ll just forget you with time.
- String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
Man Vs. Whale…
Could you imagine? That’s unreal!
Kitty gets stopped in his tracks…
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Sbt345jkk[/youtube]
Poorrrrr KittEhhh! Couldn’t help but laugh tho 🙂 Share if you must.
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