Score more likes, share these…
Witty Facebook Statuses:
- You can measure a person’s intelligence by the number of times they get back with their ex.
- I know I’m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
- If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
- Be good to yourself, you’re all you’ve got.
- Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of shit going on?
- A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
- Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
- We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
- Someone told me, Don’t fall in love, you might get hurt. I told them, Don’t live, you might die.
- “Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
- Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.
- The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
- If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand
- If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
- How to take selfies: Step 1: Take 40 pictures. Step 2: Post the least bad one.
- Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
- Hey, we never talked in high school! Let’s be Facebook friends so we can once again never talk! JUST LIKE OLD TIMES!
- My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
- I used to forget time with you. Now, I’ll just forget you with time.
- String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
Man Vs. Whale…
Could you imagine? That’s unreal!
Kitty gets stopped in his tracks…
Poorrrrr KittEhhh! Couldn’t help but laugh tho 🙂 Share if you must.