Epic Slam Dunk, 500 Million Dollars, & 20 Status Updates for the Weekend

Make your weekend last longer, share one of these…

Top 20 Weekend Status Updates:

  1. Favorite part of the day? The food part.
  2. I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
  3. McDonald’s should do an Adult Happy Meal that’s just wine and cookies.
  4. Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
  5. Everybody wants to shine, but no one wants to polish.
  6. It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
  7. You ever just wake up at 3 am thirsty as hell and water tastes like it came straight from the river of Jesus.
  8. Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
  9. According to my 401(k) account, I can retire at age 247.
  10. Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
  11. Psychopaths and Eskimos are the only groups of people who comfortably sleep with socks on.
  12. Can you imagine the type of monster that eats a suggested serving size?
  13. What I miss most from childhood? Teleportation. Many times I have crashed on the couch and ended up in bed. Sadly, does not work anymore.
  14. “I knew that…” -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
  15. WARNING: Objects in relationships appear happier than they are.
  16. Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
  17. I like to mess with dudes wearing Tapout shirts by saying “Cute top!”
  18. Woodpeckers have very clear life goals.
  19. Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
  20. If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.

Funny Pics | Gifs | VideosYesterdays Status Updates

The answer to all your problems:

sometimes-all-you-need

That’d be alright by me.

Epic Slam Dunk..

That is one great uncle there. Bravo! Feel free to share if you enjoyed it as much as we did.

Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and video, on our Fan Page. Have a great weekend, please stop back in on Monday for more Funny Statuses.