Make your Monday suck less, share these…
20 Crazy Status Updates for Facebook:
- I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
- Stop crying. You asked what I thought of your haircut and “macho” is a compliment where I come from, lady.
- Nutella: The answer to everything in life.
- My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine’s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
- Every time I burn dinner the fire alarm goes off and lets everyone in the neighborhood know. It’s such an invasion of privacy.
- normal person:
-sings backup vocals
-sings guitar riffs
-plays air drum the entire song
- Shower = The place of thoughts and decision making.
- You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
- When I was a kid, Cheerios only came in one flavor… and it was Cheerios flavor.
- Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are “your house keys” and “your house.” Well, son, that’s what drinking is like.
- I’m in no hurry to get married, but the opportunities to eat cake with a tiny me on top are few and far between.
- I packed a lunch for myself for the first time in awhile. As I sit here at 9:30 am eating it, I wonder what it’s like to have self control.
- I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
- Hiding peoples status’ on your news feed is the best way of sayin’ you’re annoying but I don’t wanna delete you because you’ll probably notice.
- Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
- I have a better idea. Tell your boobs to stop staring at me, it’s very distracting.
- Light switches that flip up for off should be banned.
- What I meant to text: ‘sweety pie’. What I actually texted: ‘sweaty pig’. Proofreading: it can save relationships.
- I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
- Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
Squirrel Hides Nut In Dog…
I’d love to see that video with some voiceovers… internet, get on that!
Tons more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.