Spaz Cat, Perspective, and 20 Cool Facebook Statuses

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20 Cool Facebook Statuses:

One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
I don’t need to flirt, I will seduce you with my awkwardness.
Street Smart…that’s something dumb people say when they want to use the word “smart” to describe themselves.
Out of all the lies I’ve told, “just kidding” is my favorite.
I wish I was a cat because the fatter you are the more people like you.
DO NOT GET A CRUSH EVER THEY CALL IT A CRUSH CAUSE IT CRUSHES UR SOUL AND EVERYTHING U STAND FOR.
If school isn’t a place to sleep, then home isn’t a place to study.
My relationship status: Waiting for a miracle.
When I was younger I used to draw the sun in the corner of the paper. ALWAYS.
Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven’t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
I don’t have health insurance, but I do have car insurance. So whenever I get sick I just go crash my car into a tree.
Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
The ugliness of your heart will always shift to your face.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. Time.
Why is Facebook such a hit? It works on the principle that ‘People are more interested in others life than their own’.