Post these to your Facebook profile for some easy comments & likes..
Hilarious Facebook Status Updates:
- Don’t put all my eggs in one basket? Nice try, basket industry.
It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.
- Hope they send us home early; I’m not sure how much longer I can pretend to work today.
- Return policy: “If for any reason you are not satisfied…” Ok, I’m not satisfied because dwarfs and rockets.
- If it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down. That leaves a wide range of colors I have no idea what to do with.
- If State Farm were such a good neighbor they’d come over and pick up all the dog crap in my yard. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
- FACT: If you don’t own a suit, you get to stay in your twenties forever.
- It may take a village to raise a child. But it only takes one condom to save them the hassle.
- I’m not only a workaholic, I drink at home too.
- Not sure why, but even when I shower alone, I still get a little nervous when I drop the soap.
- Did you know that in almost every country but America they have machines that both wash&dry your laundry at the same time? Damn you GE!
- No, I haven’t lost weight but “spanx” for asking.
Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules.
- Dear CocaCola, McDonalds, and other massive companies, unless you have a new product for me, stop showing me commercials. I didn’t forget about you. I have never stood at a vending machine and thought, what’s that thing in the red can? I promise.
- Sometimes I watch Spike TV just to be reassured that I’m not even close to being the biggest douche in the world.
Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off. (VIA our Tweeter:@FreeFunnyStuff )
Bonus Funny Status: How do you expect kids to listen to their parents? Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes back home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Aladdin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 320 KM/h, Sleeping beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when kids misbehave! They get it from their storybooks. Copy this on your wall if you laughed.