Soccer Girl Tricks, Telepooltation, & Top Facebook Statuses

Editorial Team

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This week on FB, share one…

Top 20 Facebook Statuses:

If there’s an emoji by your name in my phone, you’re doing something right.
Sometimes music is all you need.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
I’ve probably learned more from Google than I have from school.
*owns tons of clothes*
*wears same three things*
Do you ever do something mildly impolite like not give a nice goodbye or not hold a door and spend the rest of the day thinking about it?
Nothing makes me more sad and mad than seeing the nicest people being treated like crap.
Kids, try dealing with bullies the way I did: Grow up to be smarter, wealthier and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
That awkward moment when you’re walking and then you start thinking about how you’re walking and you feel like you’re walking weird.
Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
Sexually rubbing the wall until you find the light switch.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.
The only person I’d ever take love advice from is that French candlestick from Beauty and the Beast.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Irony of Life: Wives don’t get pregnant after many attempts, And girlfriends get pregnant even after taking precautions.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.