Make your friends smile, share these…
- My brain has too many tabs open.
- I like you because you join in on my weirdness.
- Ugly Christmas Sweaters need love too.
- It’s the holidays! Embrace your inner alcoholic fat ass!
- If i didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?
- I’m not flirting. I’m just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive. 😉
- It’s funny how if u get an A on a test, ur grade goes up like 2 percent, but if u get an F on a test, your grade goes down like the Titanic.
- Care less and you’ll stress less.
- I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me.
- I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
- I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex.
I know I’m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
- Cop: You been drinking? Me: No. Cop: Say the alphabet backwards. Me: Alphabet the. Cop: Hilarious. Say each letter. Me: Each letter.
- Do angry people know about naps?
- I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
- I can’t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
- Free samples shouldn’t be limited to ice cream stores. How can I be sure this fifth of Vodka is worth the 6 dollars without a quick chug?
- When I see a bumper sticker that says “Bring home the Troops”, I mentally finish the sentence with “then send in the Ninjas”.
- “No offense” means “I’m about to insult you, but don’t get mad.
- Remember Limewire? Ah, the days of free music.
- Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Kid NAILS Michael Jackson Impersonation…
Well played, Kid! That was pretty spot-on.