Smart Chimps, Television, & Pro Facebook Status Updates

Make Hump Day fun, share one of these..

20 Pro Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Fate is when you find something you were never looking for and realize its everything you never knew you wanted.
  2. As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
  3. Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
  4. The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
  5. You kids nowadays are so lucky. In my day we only had front facing cameras. Very hard to take a selfie.
  6. I can see exactly 5 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
  7. Cheese is basically happiness that you can melt.
  8. I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
  9. This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
  10. Humor is of two types – below the belt and above the forehead.
  11. Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep.
  12. I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
  13. You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I’m telling you why…we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
  14. I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I’m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
  15. I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
  16. I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
  17. Eat like nobody is watching. Or dance. Whatever.
  18. I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, chapstick and, on occasion, my sanity.
  19. JUST came up with a witty comeback for that thing you said 2 days ago!
  20. I want my eyelashes to be as black as my soul and as long as the list of people I hate.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Smart Chimp Solves Interesting Problem:

How many of you would have been able to solve that?? Such amazing creatures!

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