Facebook Status Updates

Sleep Feels, Epic Waterslide, & 20 Wacky Facebook Statuses

Editorial Team

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Make someones day, share one of these…

20 Wacky Facebook Statuses:

If someone says they’re gonna open up a can of whoop ass, that means someone out there is canning whoop ass…I’d be more afraid of that second guy.
*cares more about TV show characters and their problems than my own*
I have never in my life wanted to text ducking.
My internet was down for like 5 minutes so I went down and talked to my family. They seem like nice people.
Ten-year old me would be so angry to find out I could afford a monkey and haven’t bought one.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
People fight each other to the death over what happens when we die.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Apple is the Taco Bell of electronic devices. The same product packaged 30 different ways.
Common sense is a crayon that’s missing from most people’s boxes.
If there’s any lesson to be learned from any of the Star Wars films it’s that light sabers should have a wrist strap.
I don’t think I meet the height requirement to ride your emotional rollercoaster.
No, you can’t have candy for breakfast. Don’t be silly. Now be quiet and let me finish my peppermint mocha frappuccino.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message is like looking directly into the sun?
I didn’t give you the finger…you earned it.
A lot of women can’t drive because they’re too busy giving mixed signals.
You know a woman is in denial when she starts blaming Zodiac signs for the reason why she’s single. “Well, he’s a Leo and I’m a Sagittarius. It wasn’t going to work.”
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.