Shoot To Turn Off Storm Trooper Clock
20 Funny Statuses Worth Sharing:
- I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
- Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
- Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m kidding.
- I once took a guy to Starbucks because I forgot his name
- One of us has to be the mature one and I vote for not me.
- Whats my favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills
- I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
- Thanks for nothing autocorrect, I’m never gonna get chicks being a “homeless romantic”.
- Push your boundaries or settle for your limitations.
- Some days “solitary confinement” sounds more like paradise than like punishment.
- “Missy Eliot came on and I started to sit back flip and reverse it” me explaining to my chiropractor how I threw my back out.
- The cops knocked on my door and asked me where I was between 5 and 6….I told them kindergarten
- How do you restore your body back to ‘factory settings’? Is it kale? it’s kale, isn’t it? please don’t say kale.
- There are a lot of things I haven’t done because I don’t think I’d look good in prison stripes.
- Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
- You never cross my mind. You just stay there all the time.
- I feel like when life gives me lemons I just give them back because I hate holding stuff.
- Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
- What’s my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I’m describing my bed again.
- I never finish anyth…
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