Salty Clam, Silly Seal, and Status Quo

Pick a status that fits you…

Status Quo Statuses:

  1. When I think of clean, I rarely think of whistles.
  2. More and more children are reaching the age of three before they learn how to talk. Even weirder, their first words are usually “dude, just text me.”
  3. Dear tongue, Can’t touch this. Sincerely, elbow. LIKE if you tried.
  4. Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak. Since birth, it has been a sign that you’re alive.
  5. Everyone can make you smile, but not everyone can make you happy.
  6. I wish karma would send me email notifications.
  7. I don’t even need to insult you. Your face speaks for itself.
  8. I am not desperate because I am single. I am single because I am not desperate.
  9. “ok” and “okay” sound different in my head.
  10. Mephobia… Fear of becoming so awesome that the human race can’t handle it and everybody dies.
  11. Facebook doesn’t need a “dislike button” if no one liked your post then it’s pretty evident they disliked it, in a nice way.
  12. The universe gives you two for flinching.
  13. Danger is my middle name, but the D is silent.
  14. It’s so crazy how you can go months without talking to someone but they still cross your mind every day.
  15. I want kids but I dont wanna be pregnant or give birth but I dont wanna adopt either because I want them to be mine.. do you see my problem?
  16. “You’re so hot” I whispered as I took my plate of food out of the microwave.
  17. That awesome moment when you carry an entire load of laundry to the bedroom without dropping a single sock.
  18. Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
  19. Even when I’m not doing anything illegal, I always get nervous when a cop is driving behind me.
  20. Forgetting you have sunglasses when you’re hungover is like forgetting about your gun in war.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Funny Status iOS (Just Updated)

Seal Picture Sez it All:

Sealiest Seal

That picture is meant for your friends walls.

Clam Licks Salt:

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