Bird Loses It, Sage Advice, and 20 Clever Facebook Statuses

Ugh, Monday. Make someone smile by sharing one of these..

20 Clever Facebook Statuses:

  1. The worst thing is when you have a song stuck in your head but you only know one line.
  2. That awkward moment when you accidentally make eye contact with someone like 5 times.
  3. I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
  4. Don’t spend your life more cautious than curious.
  5. I’m 500% done with today.
  6. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Search for the fresh prints.
  7. The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
  8. It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
  9. Computer technology used to be a lot tougher. Back when I was a kid, mice had balls..
  10. Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
  11. If you aren’t enjoying the path to your destination, reroute. Life is hard enough. Enjoy the ride.
  12. “I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
  13. Bowser is a job creator and the largest employer in the mushroom kingdom.
  14. No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
  15. Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
  16. You can do anything you set your mind to, as long as you watch the how to video on youtube!!
  17. Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
  18. If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
  19. Scroll back to your oldest text conversation and write “sounds good”
  20. I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.

Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…

Bird’s lost it..

He has officially gone nuts. It’s okay bird, I know the feeling. LOL!

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