Step your Status game up, share these…
Silly Statuses:
- I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
- Laughter is the best medicine…unless you have diarrhea.
- Asking how my work day went is like asking how a drive-by-shooting went…I’m just lucky I got out alive.
- Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
- Pizza doesn’t ask silly questions.
Pizza understands. - I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
- I want someone who is equal parts weird and sexy.
- The time it takes our sun to orbit the center of the Milky Way is called a “Galactic Year” and is ~225 million Earth years. By that definition, dinosaurs went extinct last year, our sun is an adult at 18.4 years old, and the Big Bang happened just 61 years ago.
- One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.
- I’m not sure how long “a bit” is
- Sir, unless you can ride your bike at 50 mph, move your ass into the bike lane.
- You complete me. Which makes me a complete idiot.
- Texting someone when you are half asleep then reading your text in the morning and realizing it makes no sense.
- When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
- Business Idea: Minding your own.
- A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
- Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes – unless he wears those weird toe-shoe things. You may judge that man immediately.
- The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
- It’s actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she’s not around to have it.
- Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last year but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Splitting Legos:
Know that feeling! UGH!
Sad Cat Diaries…
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk[/youtube]
ROFL, that guy nailed it! Share if you enjoyed.
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