Rocking Out Doggie, Home Early, & ROFL Status Updates

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ROFL Facebook Status Updates:

  1. How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
  2. The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. “It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope” said Jose, age 6.
  3. If a man said he’ll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
  4. Everyone has a choice you either live by fear or live your dreams.
  5. You are part of a puzzle in someones life. You may never know where you fit. But, someones life may never be complete without you in it.
  6. TEXTATIONSHIP: a person that texts you all the time but never makes an effort to see you.
  7. I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.
  8. I HATE IT WHEN U PUT FOOD IN THE MICROWAVE & IT MAKES THOSE POPPING NOISES & YOU OPEN IT & THE FOOD IS STILL COLD LIKE WHY PLAY ME LIKE THAT???
  9. No matter how much of a badass you are, your voice goes up an octave when you talk to your pet, just like the rest of us.
  10. We only use leashes because dogs can’t hold hands.
  11. Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
  12. I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
  13. Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
  14. The worst thing you can do to a woman is to not let her see the picture you just took of her.
  15. Toddlers have an uncanny ability to hear & repeat every cuss word you utter but ignore every suggestion on avoiding injury & imminent death.
  16. My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
  17. Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
  18. I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
  19. When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
  20. I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”

Yesterdays Status Updates…

You’re home early…

LOL, could you imagine?

Dog <3’s the Guitar:

He really loves it! What a cutie 🙂 Share if you enjoyed!

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