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ROFL Facebook Status Updates:
- How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
- The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. “It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope” said Jose, age 6.
- If a man said he’ll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
- Everyone has a choice you either live by fear or live your dreams.
- You are part of a puzzle in someones life. You may never know where you fit. But, someones life may never be complete without you in it.
- TEXTATIONSHIP: a person that texts you all the time but never makes an effort to see you.
- I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.
- I HATE IT WHEN U PUT FOOD IN THE MICROWAVE & IT MAKES THOSE POPPING NOISES & YOU OPEN IT & THE FOOD IS STILL COLD LIKE WHY PLAY ME LIKE THAT???
- No matter how much of a badass you are, your voice goes up an octave when you talk to your pet, just like the rest of us.
- We only use leashes because dogs can’t hold hands.
- Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
- I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
- Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
- The worst thing you can do to a woman is to not let her see the picture you just took of her.
- Toddlers have an uncanny ability to hear & repeat every cuss word you utter but ignore every suggestion on avoiding injury & imminent death.
- My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
- Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
- I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
- When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
- I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
You’re home early…
LOL, could you imagine?
Dog <3’s the Guitar:
He really loves it! What a cutie 🙂 Share if you enjoyed!
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