Do you enjoy being the local Facebook CELEBRITY? Post these Witty Statuses and you’ll be golden…
Funny Status Updates for Facebook:
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When Facebook starts showing how many times you’ve visited someone’s profile, we’re all screwed. (Courtesy of our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone/iPod App)
- One of those people out there with FB Privacy enabled is your therapist passing your problems off as jokes.
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You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
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I’m speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I was going, Officer.
- In a car it’s illegal to not wear a seat belt. But I guess if you’re on a bus they figure death will be a sweet relief.
- The recent $319 Million Mega Millions was won by workers at New York State’s Department of Housing and Community Renewal. On a related note….. The Department of Housing and Community Renewal is now hiring. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
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If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
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Most women prefer sex with the lights off because they can’t bear to see a man enjoying himself.
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There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm.
- I don’t think I’ve ever been told I’m a bad listener.
- How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One … men will screw anything. (VIA our Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
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A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- There should be only one World’s Greatest Dad shirt. And you should have to kill the previous owner to wear it.
Facebook Question of the Day: Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Funny Picture to Post:
Creative way to give back!
Funny Video to Post:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pYL_4Sul0Q[/youtube]
Bonus Funny Video: The Notorious BIG of IRAQ.
If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post: “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!