Do you enjoy being the local Facebook CELEBRITY? Post these Witty Statuses and you’ll be golden…
Funny Status Updates for Facebook:
When Facebook starts showing how many times you’ve visited someone’s profile, we’re all screwed. (Courtesy of our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone/iPod App)
- One of those people out there with FB Privacy enabled is your therapist passing your problems off as jokes.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
I’m speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I was going, Officer.
- In a car it’s illegal to not wear a seat belt. But I guess if you’re on a bus they figure death will be a sweet relief.
- The recent $319 Million Mega Millions was won by workers at New York State’s Department of Housing and Community Renewal. On a related note….. The Department of Housing and Community Renewal is now hiring. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Most women prefer sex with the lights off because they can’t bear to see a man enjoying himself.
There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm.
- I don’t think I’ve ever been told I’m a bad listener.
- How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One … men will screw anything. (VIA our Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- There should be only one World’s Greatest Dad shirt. And you should have to kill the previous owner to wear it.
Facebook Question of the Day: Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Funny Picture to Post:
Creative way to give back!
Funny Video to Post:
Bonus Funny Video: The Notorious BIG of IRAQ.
If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post: “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!