Score more likes, share these…
20 Humorous Facebook Statuses:
- My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
- True friends laugh at you when you fall but give you a hand afterward… but, then sometimes they might take the hand away just before you grab it and laugh at you one more time. And, then they’ll pick you up 🙂
- A book dies every time you watch a reality TV show.
- The fact that Jellyfish for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
- “I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
- If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
- I work hard so my dog can have a better life.
- Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.
- We can’t be friends if you don’t understand my sarcasm.
- Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?
- I think the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don’t change when everybody else does.
- I feel a text is too serious without an lol or haha in there somewhere.
- That awkward moment when you sleep over at a friends and wake up before they do and all you can do is stare at the ceiling.
- The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
- The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
- Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
- Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word “stop.”
- Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and no one asks what is wrong with you.
- At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
- Boy: Let’s play a game, any game, just not hide and seek. Girl: Why not hide and seek? Boy: Because a girl like you is impossible to find.
Who’s a Good Boy?
Would love to know what’s going on in a dogs mind! Share if you agree 🙂 or if you just enjoyed in general.
RIP Uncle Phil, in honor of your awesomeness…
He was a good man. May he rest in peace!