RIP Uncle Phil, Good Boy, & Humorous Statuses

Score more likes, share these…

20 Humorous Facebook Statuses:

  1. My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
  2. True friends laugh at you when you fall but give you a hand afterward… but, then sometimes they might take the hand away just before you grab it and laugh at you one more time. And, then they’ll pick you up 🙂
  3. A book dies every time you watch a reality TV show.
  4. The fact that Jellyfish for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
  5. “I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
  6. If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
  7. I work hard so my dog can have a better life.
  8. Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.
  9. We can’t be friends if you don’t understand my sarcasm.
  10. Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?
  11. I think the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don’t change when everybody else does.
  12. I feel a text is too serious without an lol or haha in there somewhere.
  13. That awkward moment when you sleep over at a friends and wake up before they do and all you can do is stare at the ceiling.
  14. The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
  15. The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
  16. Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
  17. Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word “stop.”
  18. Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and no one asks what is wrong with you.
  19. At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
  20. Boy: Let’s play a game, any game, just not hide and seek. Girl: Why not hide and seek? Boy: Because a girl like you is impossible to find.

Yesterdays Status Updates…

Who’s a Good Boy?

who's a good boy

Would love to know what’s going on in a dogs mind! Share if you agree 🙂 or if you just enjoyed in general.

RIP Uncle Phil, in honor of your awesomeness…

He was a good man. May he rest in peace!

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