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Awesome Status Posts:
- Did you know you that you don’t have to put every meal you eat on Instagram? You can just eat it.
- No, I would not like to meet local singles in my area.
- Being dead tired throughout the entire day then wide awake when I’m trying to go to sleep.
- Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.
- My week is basically: Monday Monday #2 Monday #3 Monday #4 Friday Saturday Pre-Monday
- That awesome moment when you finally untangle your headphones and only had to curse 15 times.
- You can tell if a Coors Light bottle is cold if the mountains on the label are blue, and also if you just pick it up.
- I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
- People only call and text me when I’m trying to nap.
- My generation’s zombies didn’t run. They walked. Uphill. In the snow. They ate what brains they could find and they liked it.
- Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
- This being an adult thing really gets in the way of me living my life.
- I usually don’t care what people are saying until they start whispering.
- Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.
- It takes balls to be a man.
- Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
- Time to get out of bed. The world is not going to dominate itself.
- 5 bucks says I can get a subway foot long right now.
- Just texted “I still love you” to about 50 random phone numbers.
- Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie.
Funny Status Update of the Day:
The Outlook doesn’t look promising.
It’s funny because he sounds genuinely concerned for the other cat 🙂