Facebook Status Updates

Don’t Wake Kitty, Awkward Driving Situation, & 20 Ridiculous Statuses

Editorial Team

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Make someones day, share one of these…

20 Ridiculous Facebook Statuses:

Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
Words I’m incorporating into my vernacular: Vernacular, Incorporating
Telling someone not to be sad because others have it worse, is like telling people they can’t be happy because others have it better.
It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Some company calls my house every single day & if you answer the phone they just hang up on you. So my question is, how do I get that job?
Told a woman to calm down once, so yeah you could say I know what it’s like to survive a near death experience.
If you guys ever need anything always remember I’m just an unanswered phone call away.
Politics is just show business for ugly people.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
If I should die before I wake… I ask the lord my phone to erase.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping F*CK YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Spending the rest of my life trying to find someone I love as much as my bed.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Do you guys ever just stare into the sunset and think: I locked the door, right?
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
With my eyes. That’s how I roll.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.