Responsibility, Dog Escape, & 20 Gut Busting Status Updates

Editorial Team

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Make your way through Monday, share one of these..

20 Gut Busting Facebook Status Updates:

I’m 100% done with today and about 72% done with tomorrow.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
Figuring out that you’ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
I’d like to apologize…to anyone I have not offended. I’ll be with you momentarily.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward’s anger.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
I’ll apologize for being late to your wedding after you apologize for inviting me.
Lebron better than Jordan? Phsshh, we can talk when Lebron saves the Looney Toons from an Alien Race.
If you can’t say something nice about someone, you probably work at the same place I do.
You had me at the proper use of “you’re”.
You only regret the Cheeseburgers you don’t eat.
Trail mix is just MnM’s with obstacles.
I’m always amazed at the transformative powers of new workout clothes.
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ilovedogs
[password must contain at least one capital]
iloveparisdogs
Don’t worry guys, I just turned the car radio down so we shouldn’t be lost much longer.
I would feel a lot safer if the drive-thru ATMs with Braille were located on the passenger side.
“I ran a half marathon” sounds so much better than “I quit halfway through a marathon”.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
That awkward moment when you’re in super deep thought. Then 4 minutes later you realize you’re staring directly at someone.