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Status Updates for Facebook or Instagram:
- The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what’s inside.
- My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me. Jerks
- Are we having some drinks, or are we havin’ some DRANKS? I need to dress appropriately.
- I love “cereal for dinner nights.”
- Marriage is the only legal way to trade cash for sex.
- Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
- A zombie boyfriend will love you for your brain and not your body.
- This world is not going to make any progress until we stop perpetuating the belief that “paper” beats “rock.”
- I feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together.
- There’s like 7 billion people in this world and I have like 4 friends.
- If your girlfriend doesn’t like that bitch, you don’t talk to that bitch.
- Girl’s logic: When you like a guy, do nothing about it and expect him to magically know and make the first move.
- The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
- You think I’m not online.
But I’m always here.
Even if I’m not liking/commenting.
- If two people are arguing and one person says, “You know what…” that argument is about to get awesome.
- At the beginning of a relationship, I wonder if women rub their hands together and say “Let the games begin!”
- Damn girl! Do you have 11 protons? Because you are sodium fine.
- That awkward moment when your in super deep thought. Then 3 minutes later you realize you are staring directly at someone.
- Whoever the fuck thought of the idea for pants with fake pockets should be placed in a mental institution.
- Don’t stress the people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
They are really real…
I knew it!
Check out the turning radius on those bad boys! What a thrill 🙂