Not Talking, Every Math Lesson, and Quality Status Updates.

FunnyStatus Team

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Happy Monday, share one of these…

20 Quality Facebook Status Updates:

I miss the days when homework was just… Coloring.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don’t.
Relationship status:
▫️Single
▫️In a relationship
▫️Married
▫️Engaged
▫️Divorced
▪️Waiting for a miracle
Great running into you. I won’t be walking by here ever again.
Let’s stack these 47 pillows on the bed every morning, throw them on the floor every night and repeat that everyday for no reason. — Women
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria’s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be “your sexiest year ever.”
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
Whiskey is the hand sanitizer for the soul.
Don’t play dumb with me. That’s a game you can’t win.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we’re camping. With an angry bear close by.
Starting to think this 30 minute documentary about the amazing Shark vacuum cleaner might be a commercial.
That awkward moment when you’re actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you’re lying.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
Broke a light bulb today.
Seven years of bad ideas?
Me: I am so over selfies.
Him: Well, stop taking them.
Me: I didn’t mean mine; I meant everyone else’s.
If you work hard enough and smart enough, your boss will get promoted and be someone else’s problem.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.