Make your friends laugh, share one of these…
Playful Facebook Status Updates:
- Half of Facebook is completely silent, the other half posts and shares wayyyyyy too much.
- I like people who actually take the effort to keep a conversation going.
- Mark, my words.
*Mark brings me my dictionary*
Thank you Mark
- I just heard “on average, there are 7 people in the world that look similar to you”
OMG bless you all I hope you’re all okay I am so sorry
- My signature move is bottle up my feelings over time and combust over some small issue and get accused for being a psycho.
- Grades don’t measure intelligence and age doesn’t define maturity.
- I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
- I wanted to lose 10 lbs this year. Only 13 more to go!
- At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
- Whatever, rich people with wine cellars. I don’t need any fancy shelves because I store my wine in my stomach like an adult.
- People who text back… “kk” … Are so annoying! ….and almost racist
- That little dance your thumbs do when you don’t know how to answer to a text.
- There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
- Adding “and shit” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and shit.
- I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.”
- Don’t let a hot date turn into a due date.”–my father’s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
- Money not buying you happiness? Wire it into my account and I’ll send you pictures of how happy it makes me. Problem solved.
- You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
- I just filled up my gas tank and went to a movie and bought a large soda and popcorn, I spent roughly 7000 dollars.
- If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
The Perfect Crime in 60 Seconds:
Gone in 60 seconds! Did they really just shove a cow into a car??? LOL!
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