Perfect Crime, Hungry, and 20 Playful Facebook Status Updates

FunnyStatus Team

215

Make your friends laugh, share one of these…

Playful Facebook Status Updates:

Half of Facebook is completely silent, the other half posts and shares wayyyyyy too much.
I like people who actually take the effort to keep a conversation going.
Mark, my words.
*Mark brings me my dictionary*
Thank you Mark
I just heard “on average, there are 7 people in the world that look similar to you”
OMG bless you all I hope you’re all okay I am so sorry
My signature move is bottle up my feelings over time and combust over some small issue and get accused for being a psycho.
Grades don’t measure intelligence and age doesn’t define maturity.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I wanted to lose 10 lbs this year. Only 13 more to go!
At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Whatever, rich people with wine cellars. I don’t need any fancy shelves because I store my wine in my stomach like an adult.
People who text back… “kk” … Are so annoying! ….and almost racist
That little dance your thumbs do when you don’t know how to answer to a text.
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
Adding “and shit” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and shit.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.”
Don’t let a hot date turn into a due date.”–my father’s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
Money not buying you happiness? Wire it into my account and I’ll send you pictures of how happy it makes me. Problem solved.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
I just filled up my gas tank and went to a movie and bought a large soda and popcorn, I spent roughly 7000 dollars.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.